Many of Dave's jokes, anecdotes and humorous tales have appeared in the local Barnsley newspaper, the Barnsley Chornicle, often told in his famous Barnsley dialect, read them here!
ENTERTAINER Dave Cherry was having a delicate examination in the rear the other week.
His posterior was elevated, so to speak, when one of the hospital nurses asked: "Are you Dave Cherry who wrote The Old Club Trip?"
Before he could reply, another nursed asked: "Which part of him do you recognise?"
THE 'Old Club Trip' musical is full of Barnsley dialect.
A DVD of the show was screened at a convalescent home near Scarborough last week and one of the viewers said: "Do people actually speak like that?"
Another woman, obviously from Barnsley, replied "There are 200,000 of us who speak like that."
SONGWRITER and playwright Dave Cherry has just come back from New Zealand where his four-year-old grandson Ryan is picking up quite an accent.
The lad was reciting a poem at his birthday party, which usually goes something like 'ten fat sausages sitting in a pan. One went pop and the other went bang'.
Dave says: "The Kiwis pronounce their vowels differently, so the children's rhyme ends up 'Tin fet sausages sitting in a pin. One went pop and the other went bing'."
A lady from Wolverhampton was making matters worse, Dave said.
"Yo yo yam yam wellies in a kipper van..."
Dave reckons people who say we 'dunt talk reight' in Barnsley have got some cheek. Spot on, owd cock.
CONTENDER for the worst joke - yes, really - of the week, courtesy of entertainer Dave Cherry.
Richard Branson appears over Barnsley in a Virgin balloon.
He floats over Athersley and spots two lads,
'Hey, you boys down there, where am I?'
One of the young 'uns replies:
'We all know where tha' are -tha' up there in that basket.'
Hot air over town hall ENTERTAINER Dave Cherry, who lives on Harborough Hill Road, Barnsley, photographed this balloon as it drifted over the town hall. |
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And this is another good 'un, from Dave Cherry:
"My Auntie Nelly called the other day. She is as deaf as a post. 'Aunt Nelly, we are thinking of going to New Zealand for the winter,' I said.
"New ceiling. There'll be a lot o' muck. Hev it artexed. It's a lot cheaper.'"
The Old Club Trip musical is still in the planning stage but Dave Cherry's script is on its way.
This is an extract:
Bill, the pit under manager: "Jonathan, is there a problem with that job I gave you on the main drift paddy engine?"
Deputy: "You told me to mark the control panel for the direction."
Bill: Yes, I did. I told you to mark it 'forward' and 'reverse'."
Deputy: "Well, I did."
Bill: "What were the markings 'R' on one side and 'RR' on the other? What does it mean?"
Deputy: "'R' means 'reverse' and 'RR' means 'Reight rooard'."
The musical, based on life in Barnsley, is being sponsored by Stagecoach.
CLUB comedian Dave Cherry says this one is true.
A woman opened the door to find a TV detector van man on the door step.
She could not find the licence, so she phoned her husband who was down the pit for help.
Later his wife found the license behind a drawer. She then put it behind the clock on the mantelpiece.
She was just about to go out when the bloke called again and she explained where the licence was.
The van man waited for the deputy to arrive home a few minutes later and told him where it was.
The next day the deputy told Dave: "Eyup Dave, them scannes on them vans are dead good. They knew where the licence was."
ENTERTAINER Dave Cherry found himself in a deep water when he went for a swim.
He was getting showered at JJB sports centre swimming pool at the Peel Centre when he discovered that somebody had taken his towel and he felt a drip.
"I was so cold I had to get back into the water", he told Ferret. "I was in a predicament.
"It was unusually quiet but I asked a lady who was leaving the pool area to tell them at reception."
Unfortunately, no one came to the rescue and he had to use a shirt to dry himself.
At reception the girl started to fill in a lost/nicked property form and asked him to describe the towel.
"It was green and I got it from the Poundshop."
She then came up with a beauty: "How much did you pay for it?"
For once Dave could not speak.
RETIRED clubturn Dave Cherry told Ferret he used to introduce himself as 'Dave Cleethorpes' when going on stage.
"I was always the last resort," admitted Dave, who has just released a song about the Stairfoot Roundabout to raise money for Barnsley Hospice.
ENTERTAINER Dave Cherry knows all about the long and short of tailoring.
He was boring with the right leg one inch shorter than the other and one day he went into Burtons.
"Have you an off-the-peg suit to fit me?" he asked.
The manager took one look and replied: "If I have I'll sack everyone in this shop and in the factory."
Entertainer and charity fundraised Dave Cherry has dropped Ferret a line about a trip last week to the doctor for a check-up.
He mentioned to the doc the Chronicle report about the toxic fumes in Harborough Hills, where he lives, and the number of recent deaths.
Dave says: "I told him the locals call it Cancer Hill and that I was very concerned having lived there for 32 years.
"The doctor said: 'Mr Cherry, the average male death for people born in Barnsley is about 74. You should be OK for a few more years yet.'
"That is brilliant news and I am very relieved doctor," I replied, "I wasn't born in Barnsley."
Apparently the doctor is still laughing.
FERRET heard this peculiar tale from singer Dave Cherry:
A bloke from Athersley wants to build a zoo in his garden, so he sends an e-mail to a zoo in London asking if he can buy "two mongi".
The message comes back, saying: "We do not understand, Sir."
He tries again, this time asking for "two mongooses".
Again the reply comes: "Still do not understand."
He writes back, explaining that he wants "two mongeeses".
"We do no understand your instructions, Sir." comes the reply.
Getting a little fed up now, the man writes one more e-mail:
"Please sense a mongoose to Athersley in Barnsley. PS: Please send another mongoose to Athersley in Barnsley."
LANCASHIRE folk can't 'speyk reyt', as singer Dave Cherry found out when recording his latest song.
Two relatives, who live in Blackpool, provided backing vocals for the track but struggled to get to grips with the dialect.
The two track CD - about the Jumble Lane crossing and a working men's club trip in the 1950s - includes several examples of 'tarn talk', which is no trouble to thee or me. But the poor girls spent hours learning how to pronounce 'noo-es' (nose) and 'cloo-es' (clothes). After a few tips from Dave, they finally got the hang of it.
He said: 'A dunt no what problem wa. It sarnded oreyt to me so a dunt no why t'lasses struggled wi it."
The Barnsley accent is not always the easiest to understand, as singer Dave Cherry has found out.
In his 'Stairfoot Rarndabart' song, he uses strong Barnsley dialect and says he would like to get his hands on the bloke who 'thowt up' the infamous junction.
But many people are mistaking 'thowt' for something much more Anglo-Saxon.
Local radio and television originally refused to play the song because of the 'bad language', and have had to blank it out on their coverage of the song.
And Dave, who has just released a DVD version of the song, even had to persuade the DJ at Oakwell to play it because he 'thowt' it contained swearing.
He said: "Everyone thinks I say the f-word but I am saying thowt. It's getting annoying having to explain it so many times."
Charity singer Dave Cherry, of Stairfoot Roundabout fame, recalled one of his old performances this week.
He was playing at a club in Sheffield, and as the master of ceremonies called out to announce his act: "And now...from Barnsley...Davvery!"
Dave was confused, and it was only afterwards that he realised what had happened.
When he stepped outside, he saw his name had been written on a blackboard. All very well, but some of the letters had been washed off by the rain.
IT'S OFFICIAL. Charity singer Dave Cherry is more famous than Joseph Locke, if a class of Barnsley College students is to be believed.
Ferret hears that a group of A-level students were given an initiation quiz to help them settle in on their first day at college.
Most of them had no problem answering one of the questions: "What landmark was the theme of a song written by local singer-songwriter Dave Cherry?"
The answer, of course, is Stairfoot Roundabout. The youngsters struggled, however, with one of the other questions: "Who was Locke park named after?"
Apparently some of the students confused Joseph Locke with the Irish singer, Josef Locke.
Ferret hopes they weren't history students.
FERRET hears that singer Dave Cherry, of Stairfoot Roundabout fame, went to see his doctor for a check-up.
After examining him, the doctor sat Dave down and told him some bad news.
"It looks like you've put on some weight, Dave" he said. "Why do you think that is?"
"Well," Dave replied. "I've had a lot on my plate."
SINGER Dave Cherry has had to keep an eye on his missus since she had eye surgery.
Her eyes were so bad, she didn't even recognise her husband when she came out of the treatment room.
"Has anyone seen Dave?" she shouted.
He quickly put his hand up and beckoned her over, but she couldn't believe her eyes.
"Is that you Dave? I didn't realise you were that ugly."
What a spectacle it must have been.
SINGER Dave Cherry told Ferret about a time he got lost in Chesterfield when looking for a club in the 1970s.
He asked a man, who happened to be Irish, for directions, and thought he was in luck when the Irishman said he
had heard of the club.
He told him: "Aye, I know where it is. It's not your first right, or the second right, or the third right, and it's not
down there at the end of the road. It is however, the road opposite this one we're standing on now."
A confused Dave replied: "That means first left? why din't tha just say that?"
He's not trusted Irishmen ever since.
CHARITY singer Dave Cherry never falters when he devliers his comic songs in Barnsley dialect, but Ferret hears that he didn't always
have perfect diction.
Dave had a stutter when he was a lad and recalls how the problem once struck him at an unfortunate moment during a school play.
At the tender age of 15 he played the Soothsayer in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.
The Soothsayer, who predicted Caesar's death, only had one line, but Dave managed to fluff it.
"Caesar, beware the Ides of March," he was supposed to say, but it wouldn't come out.
As he faltered, one sarcastic teacher shouted: "If tha dunt look sharp it'll be April an' he'll be deead."
Dave legs it as he mangles machineBy Matthew MurraySINGER Dave Cherry has damaged three treadmills at his local gym – because he has one leg longer than the other. |
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